Monotropism Explained: It’s Not Ignoring You, It’s a Deep Dive 🚇🔦
There is a scenario that plays out in neurodivergent households every single day.
Person A (Partner/Parent): “Hey, did you take the trash out?”
Person B (ND Brain): [Silence. Staring intently at a LEGO brick / spreadsheet / video game.]
Person A: “Hello? I’m talking to you.”
Person B: [Silence.]
Person A: “Wow. You are ignoring me. That is so rude.”
Person B: [Jolts awake as if physically slapped] “Huh?! What?! I wasn’t ignoring you! I just didn’t… hear you?”
If you are Person B, you know the frustration. You weren’t trying to be rude. You genuinely did not perceive that a human was speaking to you.
It’s not selective hearing. It’s Monotropism. And understanding it might just save your relationship.
The “Attention Tunnel”
Most neurotypical brains are Polytropic.
Think of their attention like a lantern. It casts a wide, diffuse light. They can focus on a task, but they are also vaguely aware that the dishwasher is running, the dog is barking, and you are asking a question. They can multitask (or at least, switch tasks) pretty easily.
Autistic and ADHD brains tend to be Monotropic.
Think of our attention like a laser beam or a high-powered spotlight.
When we focus on something—whether it’s a work project, a book, or a very interesting bug on the window—our entire attentional resource goes into that one thing.
We enter an Attention Tunnel.
Inside the tunnel, the world is vibrant and clear.
Outside the tunnel? Darkness. Nothing exists.
So when you talk to us while we are in the tunnel, we aren’t “ignoring” you. Your voice is literally outside our realm of perception. It’s static noise.
The Pain of the “Rip Cord”
The other side of Monotropism is Flow Inertia.
Imagine a heavy freight train moving at 100mph. That is a Monotropic mind in a flow state.
Now, imagine someone jumping on the tracks and waving a sign that says, “Do you want tea?”
Stopping that train takes a massive amount of energy.
If you interrupt us suddenly, it feels physically jarring. It’s not just annoying; it can actually hurt. It causes a rush of stress hormones because our brain has to slam on the breaks, derail the train, and pivot to a completely different track instantly.
This is why we sometimes snap, “WHAT?!” when interrupted. We aren’t mad at you. We are dealing with the whiplash of being yanked out of the tunnel.
Why It’s Actually a Good Thing
Monotropism often gets framed as a deficit (“You can’t multitask!”).
But honestly? Multitasking is a myth anyway.
The ability to focus deeply, intensely, and singularly is a superpower. It allows us to solve complex problems, create intricate art, and learn skills rapidly. It’s the engine behind every “special interest” deep dive.
We are specialists, not generalists. And the world needs specialists.
How to Handle the Tunnel (A Guide for Allies)
If you live with a Monotropic person, here is how to get their attention without causing a crash:
1. Don’t shout from another room.
We will not process it. You are just adding noise to the void.
2. Enter the visual field.
Walk into the room. Stand where we can see you (but don’t block the screen/book, that’s dangerous territory). Wait for us to notice you.
3. Use a “Gentle Notification.”
A light tap on the shoulder or saying our name once and waiting. Give us 5-10 seconds to “save our game” mentally and emerge from the tunnel.
4. Check for the “Look.”
If our eyes are glazed over, we are buffering. Wait until we make eye contact before asking the question.
Embrace the Laser
If you are the Monotropic one, stop apologizing for your focus. Your ability to deep-dive is a gift.
Just… maybe try to warn people before you go into the tunnel.
“I am about to hyperfocus on organizing my digital photo library from 2014. If the house catches fire, please tap me on the shoulder.”
Need a way to signal your status?
🔴 Wear the Red “Stop” Badge when you are deep in the tunnel and can’t be disturbed.