Finding the Right Words: How to Talk About Neurodiversity (To Anyone)

Once you understand neurodiversity, the next challenge is explaining it to people who don’t.

Whether you are explaining a diagnosis to your child, asking a manager for support, or opening up to a friend, the goal is the same: clarity without apology.

You aren’t confessing a crime; you are sharing a user manual. Here is how to handle the “Big Three” conversations.

1. Talking to a Child (“Your Brain is Magic”)

Whether you are telling a child they are neurodivergent or explaining your own traits to them, keep it neutral and empowering.

  • The Analogy: Kids understand technology. Use the “Operating System” analogy.“Most people in your class run on Windows. Your brain runs on iOS. Both can play Minecraft and write stories, but they use different buttons to get there. Neither is better, they are just different.”
  • Focus on the “Why”: Explain their struggles without shame.“You know how you hate loud noises? That’s because your brain has super-sensitive hearing. It makes you a great listener, but it also means the vacuum cleaner sounds like a monster.”
  • Normalize it: Make it casual. “Mommy is wearing her ‘quiet hoodie’ today because her brain needs a rest.”

2. Talking to a Manager (“The Productivity Pivot”)

This conversation requires a shift from “feelings” to “function.” Your boss cares about output. Frame your neurodivergence as a way to optimize that output.

  • Don’t say: “I have ADHD so I can’t focus in this loud office.” (This sounds like a complaint).
  • Do say: “I want to make sure I hit that deadline. To do my best work, I need deep focus time. Is it okay if I wear noise-canceling headphones or book a quiet meeting room for two hours a day?”
  • The Strategy: You are not asking for a favor; you are proposing a solution. Focus on how the accommodation helps the team.

3. Talking to a Friend (“The Context Check”)

Friends might misinterpret neurodivergent traits (like cancelling plans or forgetting to text back) as “not caring.” This conversation is about saving the relationship.

  • The Vulnerability:“I want to explain something because I value our friendship. I’m not ignoring your texts on purpose. Sometimes my social battery hits zero and I can’t speak to anyone. It’s not about you, it’s just how my brain recharges.”
  • The “Masking” Reveal:“You might not see me struggle because I work hard to hide it. But parties are actually really exhausting for me. I’d love to hang out, but could we do a quiet movie night instead of a bar?”

The Golden Rule

No matter who you are talking to, confidence is key. If you treat neurodivergence like a tragedy, they will treat you with pity. If you treat it like a fact, they will treat you with respect.