Identity Crisis: Why I Say “Autistic Person” Instead of “Person With Autism” 🗣️🤔
If you have ever talked to a neurodivergent person and felt like you were walking through a linguistic minefield, this post is for you.
You might have been taught in school, or by a medical professional, or by an HR seminar, that the “polite” way to refer to us is using Person-First Language.
- Examples: “Person with Autism,” “Child with ADHD,” or “Individual with ASD.”
The logic seems sound: “Put the person before the disability! They are a human first!”
But if you spend five minutes on Autistic TikTok or Twitter, you will notice that most of us actually prefer Identity-First Language.
- Examples: “Autistic Person,” “ADHDer,” or “Neurodivergent.”
So, why the switch? Why are we rejecting the “polite” phrasing?
It comes down to grammar, handbags, and how we view our own brains.
The “Handbag” Theory 👜
Person-First Language (“Person with Autism”) implies that autism is something I have. Like a handbag. Or a cold. Or a really ugly hat.
It suggests that Autism is an accessory that I carry around with me, but if you took it away, there would still be a “normal” person left underneath.
But here is the reality: My autism isn’t an accessory.
It is my operating system.
It affects how I see color, how I hear sound, how I process emotion, how I love, how I work, and how I exist.
You cannot separate me from my autism any more than you can separate a “Tall Person” from their height.
You wouldn’t say, “Look at that Person with Tallness.”
You wouldn’t say, “He is a Person with French-ness.”
You say “Tall Person” or “French Person” because those things are inherent parts of their identity. They aren’t bad things. They are just… what they are.
The “Tragedy” Subtext 🎭
The reason we were all taught to use Person-First Language is because, historically, disability was viewed as a tragedy.
We generally only use “Person with…” phrasing for negative things.
- Person with cancer.
- Person with the flu.
- Person with a difficult mother-in-law.
We use it to distance the human from the “bad thing.”
So, when you insist on saying “Person with Autism,” you are subtly implying that Autism is a bad thing—a disease or a defect that is “afflicting” the poor human soul trapped beneath it.
By reclaiming “Autistic,” we are saying: “I am not broken. This isn’t a disease. It’s just my brain type.”
“But My Teacher Said…” 🍎
If you are currently panicking because you have been saying “Person with Autism” for 10 years—relax. You aren’t a villain. You were trying to be respectful using the tools you were given.
The language is evolving because the people actually living the experience are finally getting a voice. For decades, the conversation was led by doctors and parents. Now, it’s led by us. And we are rewriting the dictionary.
Exceptions to the Rule
Is every single autistic person on Team Identity-First? No. We aren’t a monolith (though we do tend to share a love for soft fabrics).
Some people, especially those with higher support needs or from older generations, might still prefer “Person with Autism.”
Rule of Thumb: If someone tells you what they prefer, use that.
But if you are speaking generally? “Autistic Person” is usually the safer bet in the modern neurodiversity movement.
Say It With Your Chest
Don’t be afraid of the word.
You don’t have to whisper it.
“She’s… you know… a-u-t-i-s-t-i-c.”
You can just say it. It’s not a dirty word. It’s an identity. And honestly? It’s a pretty cool one.
Proud of your brain?
🌈 Wear your identity with our [Neurodiversity Collection].
🖼️ Make a statement with the [“Future is Neurodiverse” Art Print].